I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
