I just cut my nipple shaving
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
