i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
