My Higher Power is John Stamos
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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