Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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