he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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