Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
