he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize