Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize