I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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