I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
