why didn't you poke me back
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
where are my eyebrows?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
