if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
