I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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