i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We need a shit load of segways right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
