i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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