I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
