i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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