I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
