I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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