dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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