Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
