I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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