Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Farmville is her only friend.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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