why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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