That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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