all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize