I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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