vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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