i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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