I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
