Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
