there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
