Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
