i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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