so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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