hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
