So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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