First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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