Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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