do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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