Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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