Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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