so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
