Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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