Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No subtext here. People are naked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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