no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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