he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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