i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
