Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
