im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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