so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
