i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
