it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
