so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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