I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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