I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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