woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
