Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
