So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
