He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize