one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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