I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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