I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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