maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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