That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize