I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
