Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
