i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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