i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
