if you like me you must not know who I am
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
