the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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