just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize
