living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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