remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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