Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
