Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
