Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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