Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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