I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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