I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
