What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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