Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
