I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
