i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
