I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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