if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize