when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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