..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
