ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
